1 00:00:01,786 --> 00:00:02,861 - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:02,885 --> 00:00:05,226 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:05,250 --> 00:00:08,059 - ice. I need ice. 4 00:00:08,083 --> 00:00:10,259 - I realize it's happy Hour somewhere, 5 00:00:10,283 --> 00:00:12,957 But isn't it a bit Early even for you? 6 00:00:12,981 --> 00:00:15,256 - this happens to Be an emergency. 7 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,344 I pulled a muscle Fastening my bra. 8 00:00:21,112 --> 00:00:22,787 - what's goin' on? 9 00:00:22,811 --> 00:00:25,253 - victoria's having A senior moment. 10 00:00:25,277 --> 00:00:27,552 - oh, I have those all the time. 11 00:00:27,576 --> 00:00:29,984 I can be walking Along happy as a clam, 12 00:00:30,008 --> 00:00:33,049 And suddenly I get This overwhelming urge 13 00:00:33,073 --> 00:00:35,504 To hit some young Person with a stick. 14 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,713 - hey, guys, look at this! 15 00:00:39,737 --> 00:00:41,645 Another sign I'm meant To be in cleveland. 16 00:00:41,669 --> 00:00:43,012 The rock and roll hall of fame 17 00:00:43,036 --> 00:00:44,278 Is having a huge party. 18 00:00:44,302 --> 00:00:47,110 All these rock stars Are donating their guitars, 19 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,777 And hailey nash is one of them. 20 00:00:48,801 --> 00:00:50,575 - oh, lord, hailey nash? 21 00:00:50,599 --> 00:00:53,841 All those dreadful Female empowerment songs? 22 00:00:53,865 --> 00:00:55,606 - her music takes Me back to a time 23 00:00:55,630 --> 00:00:57,362 When music sucked. 24 00:00:59,563 --> 00:01:01,471 - well, I love hailey's songs. 25 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,871 It reminds me of prom night. 26 00:01:03,895 --> 00:01:05,736 - they played hailey Nash at your prom? 27 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,369 - no, in my room. 28 00:01:07,393 --> 00:01:09,101 Nobody asked me to the prom. 29 00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:12,566 Course, that was during My corrective shoe years. 30 00:01:12,590 --> 00:01:15,532 - was that before or After your headgear years? 31 00:01:15,556 --> 00:01:17,420 - there was some overlap. 32 00:01:18,721 --> 00:01:20,164 But hailey got me through it. 33 00:01:20,188 --> 00:01:22,962 Oh! Tonight, I am going to do 34 00:01:22,986 --> 00:01:24,295 Two things from my book. 35 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:26,528 I'm gonna crash a Party and meet my idol. 36 00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:28,160 - and I am coming with you. 37 00:01:28,184 --> 00:01:29,593 - what? Why? Weren't We just mocking her? 38 00:01:29,617 --> 00:01:30,826 I'm confused. 39 00:01:30,850 --> 00:01:33,358 - that bastard johnny Revere is gonna be there. 40 00:01:33,382 --> 00:01:35,224 - you know johnny revere? 41 00:01:35,248 --> 00:01:38,423 - every inch of him. 42 00:01:38,447 --> 00:01:39,722 One night, he pulled Me from the audience 43 00:01:39,746 --> 00:01:41,154 To dance on stage 44 00:01:41,178 --> 00:01:42,521 And gave me a backstage pass 45 00:01:42,545 --> 00:01:44,887 To the best six Months of my life. 46 00:01:44,911 --> 00:01:46,753 - so why is he a bastard? 47 00:01:46,777 --> 00:01:48,185 - because halfway Through the tour, 48 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:51,550 He left me stranded on a Corner in winslow, arizona. 49 00:01:51,574 --> 00:01:53,983 - wait, isn't that An eagles song? 50 00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:56,049 - never tell don henley Anything in confidence 51 00:01:56,073 --> 00:01:58,515 When you're doing shots. 52 00:01:58,539 --> 00:02:01,180 - why did you never tell us? 53 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,345 - because it was Just too humiliating. 54 00:02:04,369 --> 00:02:05,478 - oh, is he the one Who gave you the... 55 00:02:05,502 --> 00:02:08,511 - no, no, no, that Was warren beatty. 56 00:02:08,535 --> 00:02:12,143 Anyway, now that I'm famous And johnny is a museum piece, 57 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,641 It is going to be Such a pleasure 58 00:02:13,665 --> 00:02:15,141 To finally be able To throw a drink 59 00:02:15,165 --> 00:02:16,840 Right in his face. 60 00:02:16,864 --> 00:02:18,872 - ooh, that sounds Very satisfying. 61 00:02:18,896 --> 00:02:20,573 I've never thrown A drink at a man. 62 00:02:20,597 --> 00:02:22,471 I mean, I've slapped A couple of faces, 63 00:02:22,495 --> 00:02:24,403 Egged a few cars, 64 00:02:24,427 --> 00:02:26,436 Set the odd house on fire. 65 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:27,936 But a drink in the face? 66 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,390 That's gonna be fun. 67 00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,796 - I don't see johnny anywhere. 68 00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:46,828 Just a sea of '70s hair... 69 00:02:46,852 --> 00:02:50,126 And '90s hairpieces. 70 00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:53,226 - some of these rockers look Remarkably well-preserved. 71 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,646 Forget botox. I'm going Straight to heroin. 72 00:02:57,514 --> 00:02:59,456 - I can't believe that After all these years, 73 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,123 I am finally going To throw a drink 74 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:02,688 In johnny's face. 75 00:03:02,712 --> 00:03:04,020 - what can I get you ladies? 76 00:03:04,044 --> 00:03:05,154 - uh, scotch... 77 00:03:05,178 --> 00:03:07,786 With enough rocks To leave bruises. 78 00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:09,752 - oh, my gosh. 79 00:03:09,776 --> 00:03:12,373 I just motor-boated Hailey nash's breasts. 80 00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:16,516 - go on. 81 00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:18,482 - no, it was an insane accident. 82 00:03:18,506 --> 00:03:20,747 I... I was turning a Corner, and I tripped, 83 00:03:20,771 --> 00:03:22,813 And I fell face-first Into her cleavage, 84 00:03:22,837 --> 00:03:24,246 And then my earring got caught, 85 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,400 And I was wrestling free. 86 00:03:29,634 --> 00:03:31,310 - what did you say to her? 87 00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:32,531 - "Soft." 88 00:03:34,999 --> 00:03:36,108 - what? 89 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,674 - well, I was thinking "Sorry," 90 00:03:37,698 --> 00:03:38,940 But I was also thinking "Soft," 91 00:03:38,964 --> 00:03:40,673 And the wrong one came out. 92 00:03:40,697 --> 00:03:45,838 - any of you over-age Groupies seen willie nelson? 93 00:03:45,862 --> 00:03:48,303 - elka, what are you doing here? 94 00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:49,902 - well, whenever Willie's in town, 95 00:03:49,926 --> 00:03:51,723 I always bake him brownies. 96 00:03:53,026 --> 00:03:54,356 - I knew it. 97 00:03:55,657 --> 00:03:58,099 Wait. These are just brownies. 98 00:03:58,123 --> 00:03:59,399 - of course they are. 99 00:03:59,422 --> 00:04:01,454 What are you smoking? 100 00:04:02,855 --> 00:04:05,496 Young man. - yes? 101 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,295 - well, 102 00:04:07,319 --> 00:04:10,282 You're a lot to Take in, aren't you? 103 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,659 Oh, uh, have you seen 104 00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:15,459 The redheaded stranger anywhere? 105 00:04:15,483 --> 00:04:17,692 - come on, shawty, let's Check in the v.I.P. Section. 106 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:22,090 - oh, will jay-z be there? 107 00:04:22,114 --> 00:04:25,610 - there are a lot of Layers to that little onion. 108 00:04:27,545 --> 00:04:29,187 - oh, there's johnny. 109 00:04:29,211 --> 00:04:31,320 Oh, my god, he spotted me. 110 00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:32,452 He's coming over. 111 00:04:32,476 --> 00:04:33,584 Okay, this is it. 112 00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:35,484 Um, where's my ammunition? - here. 113 00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,283 Right, keep your elbow low, 114 00:04:37,307 --> 00:04:38,716 Follow through with your swing. 115 00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,382 Remember, this is For every woman 116 00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:43,814 Who ever got dumped By a heartless bastard. 117 00:04:43,838 --> 00:04:45,713 - victoria! - johnny. 118 00:04:45,737 --> 00:04:47,812 - wow! You look Frickin' amazing. 119 00:04:47,836 --> 00:04:49,767 - oh, why, thank you. 120 00:04:54,866 --> 00:04:56,076 - seriously, you look Even sexier in person 121 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,475 Than you did on your show. 122 00:04:57,499 --> 00:04:59,207 - you watched edge of tomorrow? 123 00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:00,274 - sure. 124 00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:01,773 I was always bragging To the roadies 125 00:05:01,797 --> 00:05:05,060 How I used to drill you Like the gulf of mexico. 126 00:05:08,127 --> 00:05:11,424 - you still don't follow The news, do you? 127 00:05:12,626 --> 00:05:13,902 - excuse me. 128 00:05:13,926 --> 00:05:15,301 Mr. Revere, they need You in the press room. 129 00:05:15,325 --> 00:05:16,333 - oh, okay. 130 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,434 The price of fame. 131 00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:19,566 - I know it well. 132 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:21,565 - you know, it's too bad You're with your friends, 133 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:23,264 Or you could come By the hotel later. 134 00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:25,651 - oh, they're not my friends. 135 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,017 - st. Regent, top floor. 136 00:05:31,552 --> 00:05:35,559 - well, that was the most Disgusting thing I've ever seen, 137 00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:39,224 And I used to wax roseanne. 138 00:05:39,248 --> 00:05:41,090 - well, I couldn't help it. 139 00:05:41,114 --> 00:05:43,756 Watchin' that bad-boy swagger Sent chills down my spine 140 00:05:43,780 --> 00:05:45,588 I haven't felt in years. 141 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,554 - he didn't even apologize! 142 00:05:47,578 --> 00:05:50,209 - I know. How hot was that? 143 00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,185 - still here, huh? 144 00:05:53,209 --> 00:05:55,485 You know, with all these Pretty young girls around, 145 00:05:55,509 --> 00:05:59,205 You last-call connies Don't stand a chance. 146 00:06:01,672 --> 00:06:03,581 - it may interest you to know 147 00:06:03,605 --> 00:06:05,148 That tonight johnny revere and I 148 00:06:05,171 --> 00:06:07,280 Are going to have the Kind of smoking hot sex 149 00:06:07,303 --> 00:06:10,745 That children only read About in story books. 150 00:06:10,769 --> 00:06:13,577 - come on, he's callous And misogynous, 151 00:06:13,601 --> 00:06:14,944 And I don't even think He showered today. 152 00:06:14,968 --> 00:06:18,075 - that's okay, I'll Just lick him clean. 153 00:06:18,099 --> 00:06:20,774 - victoria! This is a mistake! 154 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,028 Don't be a holla back girl. 155 00:06:25,096 --> 00:06:27,460 Am I using that right? 'cause it felt right. 156 00:06:28,995 --> 00:06:30,304 - oh, let it go, mel. 157 00:06:30,328 --> 00:06:33,203 There's no girlfriend Block for bad-boy sex. 158 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,068 - you're right. Its Power is too strong. 159 00:06:36,092 --> 00:06:38,967 - that guilty thrill you Get just being with him. 160 00:06:38,991 --> 00:06:42,432 - that desperate desire You have to change him. 161 00:06:42,456 --> 00:06:44,697 - and that delicious Little tickle 162 00:06:44,721 --> 00:06:47,285 That comes from Knowing you never could. 163 00:06:50,886 --> 00:06:52,428 What? 164 00:06:52,452 --> 00:06:56,726 You think there weren't Bad boys in poland in the '30s? 165 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,692 - you know, before I met johnny, 166 00:06:58,716 --> 00:07:00,559 I didn't know the Meaning of depravity 167 00:07:00,582 --> 00:07:02,957 Or hotel blacklisting. 168 00:07:02,981 --> 00:07:04,989 There was this one Time on a credenza. 169 00:07:05,013 --> 00:07:08,554 Oh, my god. I mean, No surface was safe. 170 00:07:08,578 --> 00:07:11,387 Oh, we did it on coffee Tables, club chairs, 171 00:07:11,411 --> 00:07:13,552 And this one really Memorable thanksgiving, 172 00:07:13,576 --> 00:07:17,207 In a bathtub full of Sweet potatoes and gravy. 173 00:07:18,808 --> 00:07:20,483 - okay, before we Get to what you did 174 00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,383 With the turkey legs, think. 175 00:07:22,407 --> 00:07:25,580 If you sleep with him, He'll just dump you again, 176 00:07:25,604 --> 00:07:27,448 And then he'll be the One that got away again. 177 00:07:27,472 --> 00:07:29,613 - who cares? He's not The man that got away. 178 00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:31,079 He's the sex that got away, 179 00:07:31,103 --> 00:07:33,578 And tonight I am Getting it back. 180 00:07:33,602 --> 00:07:35,610 - well, just make sure None of those old feelings 181 00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:36,811 Come back with it. 182 00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:39,042 - oh, please, I am not That nubile little ninny 183 00:07:39,066 --> 00:07:40,975 Who used to prance Around naked on his balcony... 184 00:07:40,999 --> 00:07:43,774 Oh, my god! He hasn't seen Me naked since I was in my 20s! 185 00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:45,906 - ooh, forget diamonds. 186 00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:48,661 After 40, covers are A girl's best friend. 187 00:07:49,795 --> 00:07:52,536 - word to the wise. A smart jockey 188 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,518 Always sits straight Up on the horse. 189 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,167 See, you're the Jockey, and he's... 190 00:07:58,191 --> 00:08:00,533 - yes, yes, we understand. 191 00:08:00,557 --> 00:08:03,033 - it's so your boobs Don't flop to the side 192 00:08:03,057 --> 00:08:05,720 And get lost in your back fat. 193 00:08:16,751 --> 00:08:20,192 - are you as turned on as I am? 194 00:08:20,216 --> 00:08:21,824 - god, this is a disaster. 195 00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:23,624 I'm not even dressed for sex. 196 00:08:23,648 --> 00:08:26,090 Trade underwear with me. 197 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,822 - why do you automatically Ask joy and not me? 198 00:08:28,846 --> 00:08:33,720 - because cotton is the fabric Of your life, darling, not mine. 199 00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:35,753 - cotton breathes. - all right. 200 00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:37,451 - I am not swapping Knickers with you. 201 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,784 - okay, okay, but I am definitely 202 00:08:38,808 --> 00:08:40,317 Gonna need an emergency wax. 203 00:08:40,341 --> 00:08:41,984 - well, your eyebrows look fine. 204 00:08:42,008 --> 00:08:44,983 - it's not my eyebrows I'm worried about. 205 00:08:45,007 --> 00:08:47,381 - do you think I carry A portable waxing kit? 206 00:08:47,405 --> 00:08:49,580 - joy, please. 207 00:08:49,604 --> 00:08:50,880 - okay, fine. 208 00:08:50,904 --> 00:08:52,735 I'll macgyver it. 209 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,078 - oh, my god, are You guys crazy? 210 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,010 Do you know how Much that's gonna hurt? 211 00:08:58,034 --> 00:08:59,309 - but it's worth it, 212 00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:03,096 Because tonight I'm Gonna party like it's 1979. 213 00:09:05,098 --> 00:09:06,973 - you want a ride home? 214 00:09:06,997 --> 00:09:08,973 Willie loaned me the limo. 215 00:09:08,997 --> 00:09:10,838 - oh, thanks, but no, no. I have to stick around. 216 00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:13,171 I have to find hailey Nash and apologize to her 217 00:09:13,195 --> 00:09:15,112 For sticking my Face in her boobs. 218 00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:19,501 Hey, I don't suppose Willie knows her. 219 00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:22,255 - by now, willie doesn't Know his own name. 220 00:09:30,954 --> 00:09:32,296 - hey, you. 221 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,051 - hey, sexy, come on in. 222 00:09:46,048 --> 00:09:47,290 You okay? 223 00:09:47,314 --> 00:09:49,223 - no, I'm fine. 224 00:09:49,247 --> 00:09:51,121 - you know, there Were a lot of hot women 225 00:09:51,145 --> 00:09:52,388 At that party tonight, 226 00:09:52,412 --> 00:09:54,875 But none of them could Hold a candle to you. 227 00:09:58,843 --> 00:10:00,907 - that's what you think. 228 00:10:02,507 --> 00:10:04,283 - sure I can't get you Something stronger? 229 00:10:04,307 --> 00:10:05,382 - no, no, no, 230 00:10:05,406 --> 00:10:06,749 I have to keep my wits about me. 231 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,448 I accidentally Groped hailey nash, 232 00:10:08,472 --> 00:10:09,948 So I need to apologize to her. 233 00:10:09,972 --> 00:10:11,381 - well, here's your chance. 234 00:10:11,405 --> 00:10:16,178 She's right behind you. 235 00:10:16,202 --> 00:10:17,444 - you again? 236 00:10:17,468 --> 00:10:18,644 - I'm sorry! 237 00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:20,443 Oh, ms. Nash, I'm so sorry! 238 00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:22,210 - oh! 239 00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:24,641 - it's just seltzer, So it won't stain. 240 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,707 So there's really 241 00:10:26,731 --> 00:10:28,607 No reason for me to be doing... 242 00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:30,472 This. 243 00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:34,637 - what is it with You and my breasts? 244 00:10:34,661 --> 00:10:38,670 - I'm just a really big fan. 245 00:10:38,693 --> 00:10:40,123 - so I gather. 246 00:10:41,492 --> 00:10:42,967 - I mean, I'm a fan of you, 247 00:10:42,991 --> 00:10:44,267 Not your breasts. 248 00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:47,487 But not that I'm not a Fan of your breasts. 249 00:10:49,488 --> 00:10:52,285 I am so toasted. 250 00:10:56,353 --> 00:10:58,728 - so what are you drinking? - what are you pouring? 251 00:10:58,752 --> 00:10:59,862 - well, nothing for me. 252 00:10:59,886 --> 00:11:02,494 The booze doesn't Mesh with the drugs. 253 00:11:02,518 --> 00:11:04,259 - that never stopped you before. 254 00:11:04,283 --> 00:11:05,659 - yeah, well, that Was my old liver. 255 00:11:05,682 --> 00:11:07,191 - ah. 256 00:11:07,215 --> 00:11:08,858 - you still a bourbon girl? 257 00:11:08,882 --> 00:11:10,646 - it'll do for starters. 258 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:21,253 - you know, that Couch doesn't bite. 259 00:11:21,277 --> 00:11:24,972 - oh, you know, I think I'm more In a credenza kind of mood. 260 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,050 - brrr. Mercy. 261 00:11:29,074 --> 00:11:31,882 You always did look Good on mahogany. 262 00:11:31,906 --> 00:11:36,002 - well, I've always been Partial to good, solid wood. 263 00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:39,145 - I seem to remember that. 264 00:11:39,169 --> 00:11:40,312 - I seem to remember 265 00:11:40,336 --> 00:11:42,311 Being covered in creme Fraiche and caviar. 266 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,343 So, what's on the menu tonight? 267 00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:45,542 - oh. 268 00:11:45,566 --> 00:11:49,207 Grilled chicken breast And steamed vegetables. 269 00:11:49,231 --> 00:11:52,572 - wow. How stoned are you? 270 00:11:52,596 --> 00:11:53,673 - stoned? 271 00:11:53,697 --> 00:11:57,070 - what drugs are you on? 272 00:11:57,094 --> 00:12:00,736 - celebrex and lipitor. 273 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,435 - oh, you're joking, right? 274 00:12:02,459 --> 00:12:04,502 - no, I'm a different guy now. 275 00:12:04,526 --> 00:12:06,900 In fact, that's why I Invited you up here tonight. 276 00:12:06,924 --> 00:12:08,700 To apologize. 277 00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:10,166 - apologize? 278 00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,332 - yeah. 279 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,497 I was a selfish bastard When we were together, 280 00:12:13,521 --> 00:12:15,831 And I really feel bad About the way I treated you. 281 00:12:15,855 --> 00:12:17,830 - uh-huh. I see. 282 00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:19,995 - so, um, are we good? 283 00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:23,494 - you have got a Lot of nerve, pal! 284 00:12:23,518 --> 00:12:25,525 - what? All I said Was I'm sorry. 285 00:12:25,549 --> 00:12:27,692 - well, no girl Wants to hear that! 286 00:12:27,716 --> 00:12:28,825 Of course you were a bastard, 287 00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,990 That's what made You so exciting. 288 00:12:31,014 --> 00:12:32,224 - so why are you mad now? 289 00:12:32,248 --> 00:12:33,789 - I thought you Invited me up here 290 00:12:33,813 --> 00:12:35,156 For some high-octane sex, 291 00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:39,487 Not a low-cholesterol snack And some crybaby apology! 292 00:12:39,511 --> 00:12:41,119 - whoa, I didn't Know. I'm sorry. 293 00:12:41,143 --> 00:12:42,352 My bad. 294 00:12:42,376 --> 00:12:44,618 - bad? You're Practically a boy scout! 295 00:12:44,642 --> 00:12:46,817 Whatever happened To that bad boy 296 00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:50,516 Who used to bounce me Around like a jai alai ball? 297 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,449 - you think I still can't? 298 00:12:52,473 --> 00:12:53,815 - oh, please. 299 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:57,346 Why don't you just help some Old lady across the street? 300 00:12:57,370 --> 00:13:01,478 God, what a waste of a wax Job this turned out to be! 301 00:13:01,502 --> 00:13:02,878 - heart-shaped? 302 00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:03,977 - well, it was the plan, 303 00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:06,165 But it turned out Kind of shamrock-y. 304 00:13:09,432 --> 00:13:11,829 - is it magically delicious? 305 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,338 - well, this is supposed To be a reunion. 306 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:19,704 - then let's make it one. 307 00:13:19,728 --> 00:13:21,003 - oh, you think you're up to it? 308 00:13:21,027 --> 00:13:22,203 - you think you Can still handle it? 309 00:13:22,227 --> 00:13:23,903 - vegas rules? - no holds barred. 310 00:13:23,927 --> 00:13:26,290 - safe word “hendrix.” - first stop credenza. 311 00:13:28,657 --> 00:13:29,867 - ow! 312 00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:32,499 - what? Am I pinching Your nipple too hard? 313 00:13:32,523 --> 00:13:34,280 - no, it's my knee. - okay. 314 00:13:35,988 --> 00:13:38,030 No, to the right, to The right, to the right. 315 00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:40,129 Oh! Oh! Ow, my lower back. 316 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,595 - you too? 317 00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:43,328 - ah! Ah! 318 00:13:43,352 --> 00:13:44,960 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! 319 00:13:44,984 --> 00:13:46,793 My hair is caught on something! 320 00:13:46,817 --> 00:13:49,414 - it's my medic-alert bracelet. 321 00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:56,156 - hang on. - what? 322 00:13:56,179 --> 00:13:57,921 - uh, I need to be on top. 323 00:13:57,945 --> 00:13:59,187 - why? 324 00:13:59,211 --> 00:14:00,520 - because I'm the Jockey, and you're... 325 00:14:00,544 --> 00:14:01,543 Oh, just do it! 326 00:14:06,908 --> 00:14:10,483 Aah! Wait, stop! 327 00:14:10,507 --> 00:14:13,349 I pulled a muscle this morning. 328 00:14:13,373 --> 00:14:14,981 - I just wrenched my shoulder, 329 00:14:15,005 --> 00:14:16,648 But I think we Should play through. 330 00:14:16,672 --> 00:14:18,979 - no, no, no! Let go! Let go! 331 00:14:19,003 --> 00:14:22,611 Oh, ow, ow, oh! Agony! 332 00:14:22,635 --> 00:14:24,078 - oh, I'm sorry. 333 00:14:24,102 --> 00:14:25,233 - oh. 334 00:14:32,764 --> 00:14:34,674 Can't even move my left arm. 335 00:14:34,698 --> 00:14:36,606 - well, um, 336 00:14:36,630 --> 00:14:39,193 Seeing as how your Right arm's still working... 337 00:14:41,562 --> 00:14:43,870 What? I'm a bad boy. 338 00:14:43,894 --> 00:14:45,624 - you're an idiot. 339 00:14:47,959 --> 00:14:51,267 God, this is so not How I remembered it. 340 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,065 Apparently a lot of The things we used to do 341 00:14:53,089 --> 00:14:54,999 Are pretty painful If you're not wasted. 342 00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:57,698 - yeah, or 20. 343 00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:01,129 - I suppose we could just Have low-key grown-up sex. 344 00:15:01,153 --> 00:15:05,927 - uh, thanks, but why Ruin the memories? 345 00:15:05,951 --> 00:15:07,959 - we were something Together, though, weren't we? 346 00:15:07,983 --> 00:15:09,093 - yeah. 347 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,526 At least we'll always Have something 348 00:15:10,550 --> 00:15:13,191 Degrading to look back on. 349 00:15:13,215 --> 00:15:15,256 - aw, maybe it'd be Better if we didn't. 350 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,657 I mean, you can't miss What you never had. 351 00:15:17,681 --> 00:15:20,288 - I'm still glad we had it. 352 00:15:20,312 --> 00:15:22,754 - me too. 353 00:15:22,778 --> 00:15:25,152 You know, my orthopedist Showed me a little trick. 354 00:15:25,176 --> 00:15:26,452 - yeah? 355 00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:29,784 Oh! Oh, god, that's good. 356 00:15:29,808 --> 00:15:31,318 Oh. 357 00:15:31,342 --> 00:15:32,684 So what's the deal? 358 00:15:32,708 --> 00:15:36,049 I mean, you barely move And you pull a muscle? 359 00:15:36,073 --> 00:15:37,315 - I know, right? 360 00:15:37,339 --> 00:15:40,668 The other day I got a back Spasm putting on a sock. 361 00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:58,805 - here we are having a Wholesome sunday morning, 362 00:15:58,829 --> 00:16:01,537 And victoria's probably skulking Through some hotel lobby 363 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,204 With her knickers Stuffed in her purse 364 00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:04,703 And her blouse inside out. 365 00:16:04,727 --> 00:16:07,868 Lucky trollop. 366 00:16:07,892 --> 00:16:10,133 - well, she's got less to Be ashamed of than I do. 367 00:16:10,157 --> 00:16:13,033 I just hope when hailey Gets my note, she forgives me. 368 00:16:13,057 --> 00:16:14,332 - what note? 369 00:16:14,356 --> 00:16:17,231 - oh, I paid the bartender To slip her an apology 370 00:16:17,255 --> 00:16:18,797 And a cd to autograph. 371 00:16:18,821 --> 00:16:20,429 So that way if I get It back in the mail, 372 00:16:20,453 --> 00:16:21,696 I know she's forgiven me. 373 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,162 - and if you get a Restraining order, 374 00:16:23,186 --> 00:16:24,860 You'll know she hasn't. 375 00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:25,994 - oh, no. 376 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:27,760 - oh, they're not that bad. 377 00:16:27,784 --> 00:16:29,626 You'd be surprised How much trash talking 378 00:16:29,649 --> 00:16:31,825 You can do from 300 feet. 379 00:16:33,882 --> 00:16:36,777 - oh, here comes the Lucky trollop now. 380 00:16:38,279 --> 00:16:41,909 - somebody please turn out That hideous light in the sky. 381 00:16:46,742 --> 00:16:50,250 - you're looking properly Debased and debauched. 382 00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:53,517 - was the insensitive mauling Everything you hoped? 383 00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:57,648 - he was thoughtful and Caring and very unselfish in bed. 384 00:16:57,672 --> 00:16:59,601 - you poor thing. 385 00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:02,180 - are you okay? 386 00:17:02,204 --> 00:17:04,279 - I'm more than okay. 387 00:17:04,303 --> 00:17:05,977 You know, we didn't Do our whole catalog, 388 00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:08,331 But we managed a Medley of greatest hits. 389 00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:12,342 And then this morning he ate His egg whites and turkey bacon 390 00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:15,074 Off the small of my back. 391 00:17:15,097 --> 00:17:17,773 - um, melanie? 392 00:17:21,495 --> 00:17:24,637 - breathe. I don't see A restraining order. 393 00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:27,669 - ah, you'd think Being best friends 394 00:17:27,693 --> 00:17:28,768 With a famous celebrity 395 00:17:28,792 --> 00:17:31,734 She'd be over This by now, but... 396 00:17:31,758 --> 00:17:33,000 - your blouse inside out? 397 00:17:33,024 --> 00:17:34,988 - excuse me. 398 00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:39,231 - I better go and help her. 399 00:17:39,254 --> 00:17:41,352 Yesterday she Pulled a bra muscle. 400 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,129 - you all live here together? 401 00:17:45,153 --> 00:17:46,561 - yeah. It's like a Big slumber party. 402 00:17:46,585 --> 00:17:48,360 I can't believe you're here. 403 00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:49,660 Please, come in and sit down. 404 00:17:49,684 --> 00:17:51,859 Wow, this is crazy. I mean, I just... 405 00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:54,725 This is like a fantasy Come true for me. 406 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:57,990 - hey, I, um, brought that Cd you wanted me to sign. 407 00:17:58,014 --> 00:18:01,288 Your note was very sweet. 408 00:18:01,312 --> 00:18:03,354 - oh, and I meant Every word of it. 409 00:18:03,378 --> 00:18:05,720 You are... You're just amazing, 410 00:18:05,744 --> 00:18:08,086 And you're so beautiful. 411 00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:10,152 I mean, I can't even Begin to tell you 412 00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,451 Everything that's in my heart, 413 00:18:11,475 --> 00:18:14,005 But I hope you know What I mean because I... 414 00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:21,436 Did not see that comin'. 415 00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:24,612 - yeah, I know. I... 416 00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:26,745 I don't usually get Involved with my fans, 417 00:18:26,769 --> 00:18:32,409 But your passes last night Were so clumsy and pathetic... 418 00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:35,208 It was actually Kind of adorable. 419 00:18:35,232 --> 00:18:38,207 - this is clearly gonna Come as a surprise to you, 420 00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:41,072 But I had no idea you were gay. 421 00:18:41,096 --> 00:18:44,404 - seriously? 422 00:18:44,428 --> 00:18:46,803 - not that it matters, 'cause I'm like totally down with that. 423 00:18:46,827 --> 00:18:48,603 You know, I mean... 424 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,868 I mean, I'm down with other People being down with that, 425 00:18:50,892 --> 00:18:53,490 But that's not how I get down. 426 00:18:55,390 --> 00:18:57,799 - wait, I don't get it. How could you not know? 427 00:18:57,823 --> 00:18:59,466 - well, why would I? 428 00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:00,932 - well, for starters, That cd you're holding's 429 00:19:00,955 --> 00:19:02,652 called I like girls. 430 00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:10,027 - oh, so your song "Love my honey pot"... 431 00:19:10,051 --> 00:19:13,892 - wait, so the note That you wrote me 432 00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:16,458 That said that my music Had given you the courage, 433 00:19:16,482 --> 00:19:18,890 You know, to let the Woman inside you come out... 434 00:19:18,914 --> 00:19:22,856 - ohh, right. Yeah. 435 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,588 I can see how that Would be misleading. 436 00:19:24,612 --> 00:19:26,820 - yeah, but your Friends upstairs, 437 00:19:26,844 --> 00:19:28,287 Helping each other With their bra... 438 00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:32,018 - not gay, either. 439 00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:35,751 - well, you enjoy that cd. 440 00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:38,315 - I'm sorry. Oh! 441 00:19:38,339 --> 00:19:40,682 Bye. 442 00:19:40,706 --> 00:19:44,513 - "Love my honey pot"? 443 00:19:44,537 --> 00:19:46,634 A clue maybe? 444 00:19:49,635 --> 00:19:51,477 - oh, don't feel So bad, melanie. 445 00:19:51,501 --> 00:19:54,164 I didn't know about elton John or george michael. 446 00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:59,574 I thought he wanted my sex. 447 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:02,872 - I didn't even know the Village people were gay. 448 00:20:02,896 --> 00:20:04,305 - yeah, they kind of ruined 449 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:06,004 That whole cowboys With short shorts 450 00:20:06,028 --> 00:20:09,603 And a mustache look For straight guys. 451 00:20:09,627 --> 00:20:13,335 - in my day, nobody knew Anything about anyone. 452 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,700 Rock hudson, tab hunter. 453 00:20:15,724 --> 00:20:19,532 I had a big thing for liberace. 454 00:20:19,556 --> 00:20:22,265 - you thought Liberace was straight? 455 00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:24,686 - I could have turned him.